Top tips on communicating with your partner effectively
Ilsa Gichki, Youth Leads UK
This article, written from the perspective of Youth Leads member Ilsa Gichki, is all about why it is important to have good communication in a relationship. Check out her top tips on this page, or read the full article in the Youth Leads magazine.
People are not the same. They are built differently and it’s important to understand that your partner is built differently than you and about the set ways that they feel. Generally, some people are more hidden to emotions, they don’t often openly express how they’re feeling. On the other hand, some people are more prone to emotions, they feel everything way too much.
Every time your other half comes to you with a concern, instead of invalidating their feelings, you should listen because remember, they are the ones that are experiencing you from an objective standpoint. The way you act with them is different to the way that you act with others. The connection that you have with them is different to the connection you have with others. So instead of thinking you’re perfect and can never
go wrong, you should really be thinking about your partner’s perspective and realise that their perspective of you is unique – they see you in a light nobody else does, including yourself so you should think and refect on your behaviour so you can make the relationship work. I understand the intention is never to invalidate your partner’s feelings but sometimes during arguments, people are often too quick to have their defence mode on not realising that it’s you and them VS the problem, not you VS them.
It’s vital to ask your partner whether they are looking for a rational solution or to vent. If they are looking to rationalise then give input. But if they just want to vent and they’re telling you that they are upset, stop trying to look for logic in their emotions. They are looking to be heard and when you turn around and try to fnd logic to their hurt, you invalidate their feelings and make them feel small, unseen and unimportant.
Here are a couple of ways you can improve your communication:
1. Being able to identify your emotions is an important part of knowing how to talk about your feelings. Describe your feeling by saying it or writing it down. Think about how to help your partner empathise or help them understand what it’s like to walk in your shoes.
2. If you have a difficult time finding the right words, remember that most feelings can be summed up in a single word. For instance, anger, hurt, sadness, confusion, etc. These are all words that can help describe how you’re feeling.
3. To be successful in sharing your feelings, you need to be open, honest, willing to make time for each other, and receptive to these talks. This needs to be a reciprocal process. You both must express how you feel with each other; it can’t just be one of you.
It’s easier said than done. I understand communicating your feelings can be hard but it’s essential to maintain a healthy relationship.
Find out more
See some links for further information on how you can communicate effectively in a relationship:
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